AMAZON REVIEWS - The weird & the hilarious

Some reviews you come across on Amazon can be out of the ordinary. I have been put to tears, of laughter, from some of the stuff I have read on there...

What are some of the funniest, wierdest, interesting or whatever reviews you have found? Please paste them here if you know any, or happen to come across any.

0 of 2 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!, March 8, 2007
By xcaliber "rhymes" (florida) - See all my reviews
I Rarely Use the Word "Beautiful" with HipHop Albums Anymore but This 9th Wonder/Skyzoo Album is Absolutely Beautiful To Listen Too. 9th Wonder Steps It up With the Beats with Amazing Samples and Backround Bass that Will have any True HipHop Listener saying this guy is Sick. Skyzoo Comes Perfectly with a nice Smooth Flow and Deep voice (totally different from jay-z's high pitched voice). The Album Starts off with a Beautiful Hiphop tune "Bare Witness" with sick piano sounds in the backround and a nice chopped up Sample. The best TRack on the Album is "Way To Go". This TRack has an unbelievable Catchy Sample that will have u Singing along for days. 9th Wonder Came Off with Some of his Best work on this Album.

Any True School Hiphop Fan who didnt enjoy this album really shouldnt be Listening to Hiphop Cd's anymore because u probably just lost your taste for REAL HIPHOP and should take up listening to other Music Genres other than Hiphop Music. Anyone who Gaves this Album Less than 5 or 4 stars are either Writing Reviews for Attention or Really is just too Young or DumbedDown or Doesnt understand Real Hiphop Sounds anymore and those people should go Somewhereelse. CLOUD 9 is a near perfect album (I wish there was 2 or 3 more tracks) But any True School Hiphop fan will LOVE IT. 9th's BEST Work Here as Usual. REAL HIPHOP FOREVER!!!!.

^^^One of many dumb reviews by M. Smith

One of many dumb reviews for the same album by M. Smith haha

Vernon Lopez had lots of idiotic reviews, but deleted all of them.

0 of 4 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars CLASSIC!, March 3, 2007
By M. Smith "ill-mc" (ny) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)
This review is from: Present Cloud 9: The 3 Day High (Vinyl)
PEOPLE, IGNORE ANY REVIEWS BY "NORFEST" OR "CTRX". ITS THE SAME HATING PERSON USING DIFFERENT NICS TO HATE. SKYZOO IS SICK ON THE MIC AND ANY ONE WHO CAN TELL THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SKYZOO' VOICE AND JAY-Z VOICE ARE EITHER HATERS OR COMPLETE MORONS. VIEW "NORFEST" REVIEW ON THIS ALBUM AND YOULL SEE WHAT I MEAN. EVERY BEAT ON THIS ALBUM IS PERFECT WITH CLASSIC 9TH SOUND. ITS SAD TO SEE PEOPLE WITH NO LIFE COME ONLINE AND WRITE REVIEWS JUST TO HATE. CLOUD 9 IS THE ALBUM OF 2006, U WONT FIND ANY BEATS BETTER THAN THESE OF ANY 2006 ALBUM, COP IT AND IGNORE THE HATERS.

He really did get upset that lad.... lmao at reference to "NORFEST" and CTRX...

meanwhile... I think I might have found his evil cousin...

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He has many that crack me up, here's one of his below

Playing with Fire
Availability: This item has been discontinued by the manufacturer.
21 used & new from $0.98


13 of 13 people found the following review helpful:
Just in time for Holloween... K-Fed, you are indeed "a gangsta", November 2, 2006

THE MOMENT YOU GUYS BEEN WAITING FOR... THE K-FED ALBUM... where u hear late night shows.. even Carson Daily (lol **shakes head** sad).. made jokes about the k-fed album.. we first brought in 50 Cent who has no skills what so ever... then Chingy came along making peoples ears bleed.. then D4L who had the worst beats & song in history... and now... THE K-FED album... a hollywood wigger who raps about owning the world, how he started from the ghetto, smoking weed (hahahahahaha thats funny), and how he gets down with the "homiez".. Kevin, you are "a gangster".. you are the next Tupac Shakur because you are the most hated and mad at the world with your middle finger up.. you are very hardcore...lmao... even the people who watch the OC thinks K-fed is a joke.. all the five star reviews you see here are making jokes on this album.. K-fed my friend... you have ""NO FANS!!!".. sorry "homie" this album needs to be out of print so we wont see this in store shelves anymore.. matter of fact, please dooooo because the used cd section will pile up and be overcrowded from billions of people who want this cd out of their sights.. I want to give this a negative 100 stars... he has no skills, he effin SUCKS... who the hell sign this numskull??.. i know the one star will show up on this review so imma say this 1 star is for the cd which can be used as a coaster, to keep your tables clean and you get a free cd case, just in case your other cd cases cracks or breaks, there will always be a replacement .... I thought this K-Fed album was a joke before it came out but i cant believe this is true.. and word that David Hasselhoff is going to make a rap/hip-hop album (no joke), so be prepared for that my friends.. this world is comming to an end.. Hip-POP & garbage rap has invaded the earth completely

and K-Fed all i got to say to u is keep playin with fire but pour gasoline all over you next time... please do that

15 of 19 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The pleasant rewards of urine therapy, April 26, 2008

By Wendell C. Thomas - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)

This is a perky little book, rather compelling and to the point. I enjoyed reading it very much. Other books on Urine Therapy are more extensive and detailed, and we probably don't need many more of those, but this one gives us a more intimate revelation of one woman's personal experience with the process, especially the benefits.

I have read four or five other books on the subject a year or two ago, and all were worthwhile. But none of them ever mentioned the taste, the flavor of fresh urine, except for one that said it had a faint salty taste. When I started sipping urine more then 20 years ago, I vaguely remember licking a drop on my finger and perhaps yes, there may have well been a faint salty taste. But as I increased the amount from day to day its tart flavor predominated. It seemed to be a cousin of lemon juice or dilute vinegar, which are acidic; the one from citric acid, the other from acetic acid. Urine, of course contains uric acid. But it was more than that. Urine had its own distinctive flavor which I enjoyed very much, and was the main reason why I never stopped sipping it. Often,, after each morning's sip, I'd think, "This is delicious! I'll have another."

Since I like vinegar & olive oil as a salad dressing, it just occurred to me that I might try chilled urine & olive oil on salad! Over the years I've found that the flavor does vary a bit from time-to-time depending on our intake. Following a meal of beef the evening before, the urine has an unpleasant, bitter taste for example, and similarly, after a meal with asparagus, the flavor of asparagus pleasantly permeates the urine. I've tried it warm and cold, and each had its own enjoyable qualities. So when I discovered the therapeutic qualities of urine I did not hesitate to consume, without qualms, larger amounts daily.

I have read how some cultures seem to have accepted urine therapy for thousands of years, especially the people of India and China. One wonders how it ever got started. My vision of someone accidentally or deliberately peeing on their fingers and then licking them is not too convincing. I have a suspicion, though, that in the course of oral sexual activity one was more apt to have one's tongue come into contact with a bit of urine and was surprised at how tasty it was, and then.....

So if one can screw up the courage to taste that first itty bitty drop he or she will be handsomely rewarded.

MORE POP BOP GARBAGE, July 9, 2007
By DANG! Trotter "D.Trotter" (INDIANAPOLIS IN) - See all my reviews

HERES ANOTHER WEAK ALBUM FOR DA POP BOP CROWD. ANYONE WHO FINDS THIS ALBUM
GOOD MUST NOT LISTEN TO THE ROOTS,PHAROAH MONCH,MOS DEF OR MEGALON. ITS ALBUMS LIKE THESE THAT HIP HOP IS IN DA SHxxTER. PRE SCHOOL RHYMES LIKE
"I'M FLOSSING,NOW I'M BOSSIN',WHY HAVE DA CAKE,WITHOUT THE FROSTING"-WACK!!!
AND LIKE USUAL FAB CAN'T HOLD HIS OWN LIKE A MAN WITH NO ARMS..HE GOT HELP
FROM THE INDUSTRY'S TOP CHART TOPPERS:JAY-Z,AKON,JEEZY-ECT. --PITIFUL

Was that one by the fake Trotter?

No, lol. The real deal.

hahaha good ol' Trotter... He had to include himself in the list too (Megalon).

Here's a favourite of mine from the one and only.... OJM !! Redman Muddy Waters. Man the dude says some stuff in the forums, but try this review.

2 of 8 people found the following review helpful:

THE FOETUS CAN RESIST THE FETID, MUDDY AMNIOTIC LIQUID OF THE BAD MOTHER !!!, June 24, 2007
By OrganJazzMan (Italy) - See all my reviews

This album is a symbolic metaphor of the muddy amniotic liquid of that kind of mother, that unconsciously wants to destroy the foetus.
Sometimes the liquid gets muddy and there is fetal suffering and the foetus (the unborn child )has to decide to try hard to survive in that muddy liquid, between the life and the death. If the unborn child refuses to yield ( it's a free individualo choice ), he will born without physical injury !
This is the third release of this rapper of the New Jersey, Redman a.k.a. Reggie Noble, a.k.a. Funk Doctor and it's not a case that he is a Funk doctor, because the foetus, in that situation, has to be doctorof himself.
So Redman, in this album, representes all the unborn children that have decided to resist the bad maternal attacks.
Fot these reasons, this album is highly recommended by me, and it is just for winning persons.
Here you are guaranteed and protected by the mortal masochism of those rappers that want and like to die or to hurt themselve

BEATS : 10/10
LYRICS: 10/10
My favorite tracks and the best tracks : # 2,3 6,11,23 (with Jamal a.k.a. Mally G of the Illegal).

P.S.:
Please check up my rap listmania, just clicking on my nickname and clicking above my listmania. Here there are 40 Hip-Hop albums choosed by me just for winning people and not for fans of the mortal masochism rap !!!
I assure that in my rap albums'list you will find the best American Hip-Hop albums. There are dance beats and strong ones and lyrics just for the winning person in the life !!!

I stumbled across this one.
0 of 1 people found the following review helpful:
5.0 out of 5 stars Total disappointment, October 26, 2009
By Shelley G. Carter - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)

Amazon Verified Purchase(What's this?)
Im not sure if anybody even reads these reviews, but this is my third...with no response...i ordered this item for my husband who is incarcerated and thrives on receiving music in the mail, but because of poor packaging this item was not accepted by the prison and was sent back to import cd's. I contacted import cds but have YET to hear back from them....I am a regular customer of amazon.com and will continue to be...but i do hope i get a response back on this item. This item was sent on sept 25. Help other customers find the most helpful reviews
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Please take the time to leave a comment for this young lady. I know i did.

Is that supposed to be funny?

Just curious...

It was slightly funny to me, but it was more of the weird variety.

Why do you shake your head?

Shaun wrote:

MORE POP BOP GARBAGE, July 9, 2007
By DANG! Trotter "D.Trotter" (INDIANAPOLIS IN) - See all my reviews

HERES ANOTHER WEAK ALBUM FOR DA POP BOP CROWD. ANYONE WHO FINDS THIS ALBUM
GOOD MUST NOT LISTEN TO THE ROOTS,PHAROAH MONCH,MOS DEF OR MEGALON. ITS ALBUMS LIKE THESE THAT HIP HOP IS IN DA SHxxTER. PRE SCHOOL RHYMES LIKE
"I'M FLOSSING,NOW I'M BOSSIN',WHY HAVE DA CAKE,WITHOUT THE FROSTING"-WACK!!!
AND LIKE USUAL FAB CAN'T HOLD HIS OWN LIKE A MAN WITH NO ARMS..HE GOT HELP
FROM THE INDUSTRY'S TOP CHART TOPPERS:JAY-Z,AKON,JEEZY-ECT. --PITIFUL

Yep, I remember this review. I haven't been at Amazon for a week when I wrote it. It's when I used all caps and was really choppy with my statements. But I still stand by every word of the review

This is one of the first reviews I read at Amazon and is absolutely hilarious. Its long, but worth the read



19 of 40 people found the following review helpful:
1.0 out of 5 stars I have to talk about this one. Long Review but Please Read, January 18, 2005
By Richard Eicholtz (Baltimore) - See all my reviews
(REAL NAME)
You know what I have to be honest with you if you reading my review.

I have a great appreciation for U God aka Golden Arms

This is hard to admit but please read on. Some years ago I was diagnosed with very serious and deep depression. And I tried everything therapy, drugs, scantly clad women everything you could imagine. The women were fun for the time but them along with all of my other options failed. But I was always a heavy WU Tang fan. (Maybe that was part of my depression in the first place...Naw couldn't be) So it was time for Golden Arms to release his debut solo.

So I purchased it.

But around this time the doctors were ready to give up on me. Quite frankly I wanted to give up on myself. Because we had exhausted every resource know to man. I saw the janitor walk in the office to change the trash. Now he has seen me in Dr. Melfi's office a million times now so knowing my situation already from seeing him there during all of my appointments. He said "Hey young man" he was about 27 I was 18 he said "Your pretty down huh". I said...yeah I want to give up. He said dont do it. He reached down deep deep deep in the garbage under the dirty grimey stuff in the garbage can. You know where all the liquid build at the bottom of the can and pulled someting out. Dripping wet he pulled out U god's first Cd. He told me if this didnt help nothing will. As low as I was feeling I reluctanly said okay. So I began to listen. Then as I listened to U God's debut CD my depression was starting to fade. Shortly after that it was broken as I broke into uncontrollable laughter!! This had to be the absolute worst Crappy A$$ CD I ever heard in my life. It was the corniest thing ever!! I just kept laughing , but then as sudden as I broke out of my depression it came back. As I realized that no this wasn't a cure all for depression it was an actual CD. I couldn't believe it.

How could this happen ? Are you serious ? You can't tell me that he was serious when he created this mockery piece of $hit from Hell.

It took years of therapy, drugs and yes more scantly clad women to exercise the lyrical demons of that CD. It took more years of therapy, drugs and yes even more scantly clad women to exercise that horrible song Turbo Charge from the depts of my memory.

Sadly and recluctantly I have to say I got that bad feeling all over again with this CD and running neck and neck for the worst ever made since Turbo Charge is the $hitty A$$ Chipped and Chop It. What the &UCK ARE THEY THINKING REALEASING $HIT LIKE THIS!!!!!

In the words of the Late Great Florida Evans (GOOD TIMES) as far as all of his releases DAMN DAMN DAMN!!!!!

He got us again. Yeah looks like he bent over and crapped out another $hitty A$$ album. This time the heaping smelly terd of a CD landed in our ears

Before I go could who ever writes U God's lyrics on his guest appearances please write his entire CD because this isn't the same person from the other songs. Thanks Ghost Writer !! : )

In closing dont buy it. Buy MF DOOM. As always there is my recommendation. If you dont know my reviews I always suggust one whenever I shoot one down.

Ugod you need to change your name to U need help+lyrics+talent +everything else to make a sorry CD because what you put out isnt just Garbage its GAAAARRRBBBBAAGGGGEEEE $HIT FROM HELL!!!!! But funny none the less.

What else can I say ??

God Bless

T. Myers wrote:

Why do you shake your head?

I'm not sure for Norf's case, but I am shaking my head at the comments you left for her review.

hahaha, Trotter, that's a good one !!

lounge wrote:

T. Myers wrote:

Why do you shake your head?

I'm not sure for Norf's case, but I am shaking my head at the comments you left for her review.

Exactly...

Oh well Norf and Lounge! I guess you'll get over it cause i won't lose a bit of sleep over it.

A review for J Dilla "Donuts"


0 of 7 people found the following review helpful:
3.0 out of 5 stars OK BUT NOT GREAT, May 12, 2009
By CALI HIP HOPPER "WEST SIDE"
THIS WAS AN OK ALBUM, GREAT PRODUCTION BUT THE ONLY GRIPE I HAVE IS THERE ISN'T A SINGLE SONG ON HERE THATS LONGER THAN 2 MINUTES, RIDICULOUS

Someone responded to this fool-

A. Wirdzek says:
Haha this is such a hilarious review. You've managed to completely miss the point of the entire album and break several laws of internet etiquette at the same time.

2 of 2 people think this post adds to the discussion. Do you? Yes No


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All of CALI HIP HOPPER "WEST SIDE"'s reviews are terrible.

T. Myers wrote:

Oh well Norf and Lounge! I guess you'll get over it cause i won't lose a bit of sleep over it.

Uh...okay... I already knew that. Not surprised one bit. And no one asked you to lose sleep. I simply asked if it was supposed to be funny. I (and someone else) obviously missed the punchline. I was hoping you could help me out there...

Thanks for sharing, though?

Anyway. I got two quick questions... Why talk shit to her? Is she the one in jail?

1 of 20 people found the following review helpful:
What???????????????????, August 2, 2005
By Justin Avery "Sac City King" (citrus heights, ca United States) - See all my reviews


I dont know what this "Wayne Maye" Guy is talking about but the fugees are far from a "monumental" Group. Its a surprise to me that this is even considered Hip-Hop. 1 catchy radio single sells alot of records as the fugees and many others have shown but I wouldnt even consider their name when thinking of a influential or even a player in the game of music. Obviously Wayne doesnt know ANYTHING about music or he wouldnt have commented that "Nas reigned supreme". Are U kidding me? Nas? Thats a horrible joke I hope many eyes and ears dont have to hear or see. Giving credit to Nas, some (and I mean very few) of his songs are alright, but I wouldnt even say his name when asked who I thought did anything for rap. The Fugees can make good noise together and sing in harmony but Its far from what I would consider "monumental" much less mediocre.

Way to get owned, Wayne... lol