Real talk

I chose to name this Real talk because I couldn't come up with any other title for this thread, lol. I have a situation here that I want your opinion(s) on, and once you begin to read this, you're probably going to start reading in between the lines for this one.

To begin, lets say you are married to someone. You and that person are separated, have been for a long time, however, legally, you two are still married. You, in many ways (I guess, lol) still have feelings for that person, and said person has a birthday that's a month away. Although it wasn't asked for and the person doesn't know it, would you get that person a gift for their birthday or not?

I've been in the situation kind of, only i was seperated, still married, but knew it was over and could care less so that's the only way it's different. I don't see anything particularly wrong with it but don't do it because you want to try to buy them back. Don't let your feelings for the person make you weak and don't allow anyone to take advantage of you.

It depends... on how close you guys are and how the separation is... personally I don't fuck with that in between shit... I'm either with you or not with you... this separation in between gray area I don't mess with. So I'd have gotten a divorce and moved on.

I'd say how realistic are the chances of getting back together and would she do the same for you?

Depends...It depends on how lonely I am, I guess. LOL...real talk. Serious business.

I wouldn't buy her a gift.

E. Taylor wrote:

I've been in the situation kind of, only i was seperated, still married, but knew it was over and could care less so that's the only way it's different. I don't see anything particularly wrong with it but don't do it because you want to try to buy them back. Don't let your feelings for the person make you weak and don't allow anyone to take advantage of you.

Well you can forget about me being made weak and being put in a situation that'll allow someone to take advantage of me. In addition, I see the points you're making and it certainly wouldn't be because I want to buy her back or anything like that.

Wayne wrote:

E. Taylor wrote:

I've been in the situation kind of, only i was seperated, still married, but knew it was over and could care less so that's the only way it's different. I don't see anything particularly wrong with it but don't do it because you want to try to buy them back. Don't let your feelings for the person make you weak and don't allow anyone to take advantage of you.

Well you can forget about me being made weak and being put in a situation that'll allow someone to take advantage of me. In addition, I see the points you're making and it certainly wouldn't be because I want to buy her back or anything like that.

Then I really don't think it would be that big of a deal. Just my opinion.

Southern Rap Pro wrote:

It depends... on how close you guys are and how the separation is... personally I don't fuck with that in between shit... I'm either with you or not with you... this separation in between gray area I don't mess with. So I'd have gotten a divorce and moved on.

I'd say how realistic are the chances of getting back together and would she do the same for you?

It looks like you've already come to the conclusion that the scenario I mentioned is a real situation involving myself, lol. It's all good though. Furthermore, I don't mind discussing this, however, respectively, I'm not going to get too personal. Well, we do have a three year old son together, so with that being said, a bond is there. We have been separated for a full year this month. IMO, I feel we're still close, it's just different now for obvious reasons. Also, we have gotten to a point where we can have other conversations with each other without it being about our son, and at first during the early part of the separation, it wasn't like that at all. Chances of getting back together? Honestly, about 50/50. Would she do the same for me? Well, my birthday has already passed (lol) and I didn't receive any gifts, and neither was I looking for anything. Whatever I got (namely, those 4 Eminem CDs that I posted a thread about on this forum) I bought myself.

T. Myers wrote:

I wouldn't buy her a gift.

I kind of expected this answer from you Terry, lol.

E. Taylor wrote:

Wayne wrote:

E. Taylor wrote:

I've been in the situation kind of, only i was seperated, still married, but knew it was over and could care less so that's the only way it's different. I don't see anything particularly wrong with it but don't do it because you want to try to buy them back. Don't let your feelings for the person make you weak and don't allow anyone to take advantage of you.

Well you can forget about me being made weak and being put in a situation that'll allow someone to take advantage of me. In addition, I see the points you're making and it certainly wouldn't be because I want to buy her back or anything like that.

Then I really don't think it would be that big of a deal. Just my opinion.

Based on what I've said so far, do you think I've already made a decision?

I wouldn't do it UNLESS the feelings she had for me were mutual.

Wayne wrote:

T. Myers wrote:

I wouldn't buy her a gift.

I kind of expected this answer from you Terry, lol.

LOL, i'm not sure why you'd expect that, but i just don't think the benefit of giving her a gift outweighs the bad. If your intent on giving her a gift, i'd get her tiny, playful gift, and have your son give to her. I'm sure she will know it's from you, but it won't be too personal.

T. Myers wrote:

Wayne wrote:

T. Myers wrote:

I wouldn't buy her a gift.

I kind of expected this answer from you Terry, lol.

LOL, i'm not sure why you'd expect that, but i just don't think the benefit of giving her a gift outweighs the bad. If your intent on giving her a gift, i'd get her tiny, playful gift, and have your son give to her. I'm sure she will know it's from you, but it won't be too personal.

Honestly Wayne, I agree with Terry. Unless she has mutual feelings for you then it's not worth it. The tiny gift isn't a bad idea though if you insist upon doing so.

Does anyone think I've silently made a decision already, lol?

I think you made a decision before you even created the thread. I think you just wanted some re-assurance.

T. Myers wrote:

I think you made a decision before you even created the thread. I think you just wanted some re-assurance.

You might be right Terry. Otherwise I probably wouldn't have created this thread, lol.

Wayne wrote:

T. Myers wrote:

I think you made a decision before you even created the thread. I think you just wanted some re-assurance.

You might be right Terry. Otherwise I probably wouldn't have created this thread, lol.

I still stand by what I said, but I respect whatever decision you've made or end up making.

KJ Styles wrote:

Wayne wrote:

T. Myers wrote:

I think you made a decision before you even created the thread. I think you just wanted some re-assurance.

You might be right Terry. Otherwise I probably wouldn't have created this thread, lol.

I still stand by what I said, but I respect whatever decision you've made or end up making.

Cool.

Her attitude and feelings are too important to this equation to try finding a solution without knowing them.

You know, maybe something real thoughtful and personal is just what the doctor ordered. Maybe that shit would only make things worse. Maybe she needs to get stiffed to send a message. Maybe that shit would break her heart.

You're the only one close enough to tell. Even so, good luck figuring that shit out. Crazy bitches. You two maybe have a mutual female friend you could ask? Anybody in her family want to see you work it out?

Kid Joe wrote:

Anybody in her family want to see you work it out?

1 year since the separation, and honestly, I don't even know to be honest with you.

Make sure your son has something for her, obviously.

Kid Joe wrote:

Make sure your son has something for her, obviously.

He's 3. I'm sure he'll have something, lol.

im assuming she got you nothing for your birthday?

I was just wondering if you had any inside sources on where she's at mentally. She didn't get you anything, maybe just a simple non-romantic card. Talk to her on her birthday. Let her know you feel more but are trying to respect the situation. On her birthday ask her on a date.

Kid Joe wrote:

I was just wondering if you had any inside sources on where she's at mentally. She didn't get you anything, maybe just a simple non-romantic card. Talk to her on her birthday. Let her know you feel more but are trying to respect the situation. On her birthday ask her on a date.

id actually agree with that, its not too much but its showing you care anyway

Slang Editorial wrote:

im assuming she got you nothing for your birthday?

Naw, and like I mentioned, I didn't ask for anything either (from her or anyone else), so that part doesn't really factor into anything.

It's your job to see he has something. Definitely don't fuck that up. Definitely don't use that to communicate your feelings, either. Hand and footprint type shit.

Kid Joe wrote:

I was just wondering if you had any inside sources on where she's at mentally. She didn't get you anything, maybe just a simple non-romantic card. Talk to her on her birthday. Let her know you feel more but are trying to respect the situation. On her birthday ask her on a date.

Where she's at mentally, haven't had any inside sources on the matter, respectively. Based on things she's told me within recent times, "she has a lot on her plate", so take that for what it's worth. Also, the idea of asking her on a date has ran through my mind on many occasions, but based on the last several times I've asked her, I was always shot down, so I'm very hesistant to ask, honestly.

Wayne wrote:

Kid Joe wrote:

I was just wondering if you had any inside sources on where she's at mentally. She didn't get you anything, maybe just a simple non-romantic card. Talk to her on her birthday. Let her know you feel more but are trying to respect the situation. On her birthday ask her on a date.

Where she's at mentally, haven't had any inside sources on the matter, respectively. Based on things she's told me within recent times, "she has a lot on her plate", so take that for what it's worth. Also, the idea of asking her on a date has ran through my mind on many occasions, but based on the last several times I've asked her, I was always shot down, so I'm very hesistant to ask, honestly.

hmm, maybe at this point it might be better off to give her a little space if youve been shot down multiple times before

make her miss you...

Kid Joe wrote:

It's your job to see he has something. Definitely don't fuck that up. Definitely don't use that to communicate your feelings, either. Hand and footprint type shit.

I'm way ahead of you on that one, but I appreciate the words.

Slang Editorial wrote:

Wayne wrote:

Kid Joe wrote:

I was just wondering if you had any inside sources on where she's at mentally. She didn't get you anything, maybe just a simple non-romantic card. Talk to her on her birthday. Let her know you feel more but are trying to respect the situation. On her birthday ask her on a date.

Where she's at mentally, haven't had any inside sources on the matter, respectively. Based on things she's told me within recent times, "she has a lot on her plate", so take that for what it's worth. Also, the idea of asking her on a date has ran through my mind on many occasions, but based on the last several times I've asked her, I was always shot down, so I'm very hesistant to ask, honestly.

hmm, maybe at this point it might be better off to give her a little space if youve been shot down multiple times before

make her miss you...

Space? Space? Lol. She's had MORE than enough space, but I see your point though. The last time I asked her on a date or anything related was back in August and a time or two in September of last year.

Well, the child is there, so she'll always be in your life. Sounds like she's testing you. Do the card but don't ask her out. If you haven't already, build up a new hobby and social life to make yourself more interesting to her. Who knows, maybe you find something else along the way.

Wayne wrote:

Slang Editorial wrote:

Wayne wrote:

Kid Joe wrote:

I was just wondering if you had any inside sources on where she's at mentally. She didn't get you anything, maybe just a simple non-romantic card. Talk to her on her birthday. Let her know you feel more but are trying to respect the situation. On her birthday ask her on a date.

Where she's at mentally, haven't had any inside sources on the matter, respectively. Based on things she's told me within recent times, "she has a lot on her plate", so take that for what it's worth. Also, the idea of asking her on a date has ran through my mind on many occasions, but based on the last several times I've asked her, I was always shot down, so I'm very hesistant to ask, honestly.

hmm, maybe at this point it might be better off to give her a little space if youve been shot down multiple times before

make her miss you...

Space? Space? Lol. She's had MORE than enough space, but I see your point though. The last time I asked her on a date or anything related was back in August and a time or two in September of last year.

hmm i guess that is really long i thought it was more recently...im not sure what to say

Kid Joe wrote:

Well, the child is there, so she'll always be in your life. Sounds like she's testing you. Do the card but don't ask her out. If you haven't already, build up a new hobby and social life to make yourself more interesting to her. Who knows, maybe you find something else along the way.

VERY interesting words Joe. I agree 100% regarding our son, no doubt. Testing me? Possibly. I've wondered that a few times personally. I have built up a social life as well. She's well aware of that now.

Slang Editorial wrote:

Wayne wrote:

Slang Editorial wrote:

Wayne wrote:

Kid Joe wrote:

I was just wondering if you had any inside sources on where she's at mentally. She didn't get you anything, maybe just a simple non-romantic card. Talk to her on her birthday. Let her know you feel more but are trying to respect the situation. On her birthday ask her on a date.

Where she's at mentally, haven't had any inside sources on the matter, respectively. Based on things she's told me within recent times, "she has a lot on her plate", so take that for what it's worth. Also, the idea of asking her on a date has ran through my mind on many occasions, but based on the last several times I've asked her, I was always shot down, so I'm very hesistant to ask, honestly.

hmm, maybe at this point it might be better off to give her a little space if youve been shot down multiple times before

make her miss you...

Space? Space? Lol. She's had MORE than enough space, but I see your point though. The last time I asked her on a date or anything related was back in August and a time or two in September of last year.

hmm i guess that is really long i thought it was more recently...im not sure what to say

Oh yeah, hasn't been recent. I back away after being shot down so many times.

Don't get frustrated or offended by any of this. Just spitballing. Bitches are nuts. There's never a predictable answer at the stage you're at.

Has she been dating or seeing someone else?

Kid Joe wrote:

Don't get frustrated or offended by any of this. Just spitballing. Bitches are nuts. There's never a predictable answer at the stage you're at.

No frustration or offense at all. I see what you're saying, even if it was explicitly blatant, lol. I've been asked MANY times what do I think is going to happen, and the only thing I constantly say is "I don't know", and that's a true answer. It's pretty clear to everyone who knows about the situation that I want to work it out, but in a situation like this, it takes two.

Two years is as far as I've made it, personally. Aside from fucking I have nothing in common with women. Once that new sex adrenaline wears off...

Southern Rap Pro wrote:

Has she been dating or seeing someone else?

Yes (facepalm)

Kid Joe wrote:

Two years is as far as I've made it, personally. Aside from fucking I have nothing in common with women. Once that new sex adrenaline wears off...

Wow lol.

Fuck her then. Get busy do you. If and when she comes around you may or may not even give a shit.

Seriously man, fuck that. Time to get yourself an attorney, serve those papers, and move on. She will come flying back at some point probably, but you just move on. She ain't nothing but the person that will be cashing your child support check. Marriage is for life, if she wants to take breaks and see others, she can do that on her own time. You're young, you need to move on and get on with your life.

Kid Joe wrote:

Fuck her then. Get busy do you. If and when she comes around you may or may not even give a shit.

Man, if I had $5.00 for EVERY time I was told this from July of last year till now.

Southern Rap Pro wrote:

Seriously man, fuck that. Time to get yourself an attorney, serve those papers, and move on. She will come flying back at some point probably, but you just move on. She ain't nothing but the person that will be cashing your child support check. Marriage is for life, if she wants to take breaks and see others, she can do that on her own time. You're young, you need to move on and get on with your life.

Cosign 100% on the marriage comment, and I went into, even at a young age, wanting it to be for life, because that's the way it's supposed to be. I also cosign on the "taking breaks and seeing others" comment.

Whatever you decide to do, keep your son's best interests in mind. Give him a sense of security. Make him feel that no matter what happens, you will always be there for him. A 3 year old boy needs his dad.

RealHipHopWillNeverDie wrote:

Whatever you decide to do, keep your son's best interests in mind. Give him a sense of security. Make him feel that no matter what happens, you will always be there for him. A 3 year old boy needs his dad.

No doubt, I'm ALWAYS going to be there for him, no matter what. My son (his name is Jaheim) knows that. He's my pride and joy as EVERYONE knows. I'm going to have him for the weekend as well, so you know I'm happy, as I always am when I have him

UPDATE: She's not getting any gifts from me.

Wayne wrote:

UPDATE: She's not getting any gifts from me.

Glad to hear that Wayne, I would have hated to see you fall victim to someone who doesn't feel the same way you feel about them.

Is there a specific reason you decided to go that route? I think its the best choice and I think its time you move on. You seem like a stand up guy, so quit wasting your time on a fruitless venture.