Real talk

KJ Styles wrote:

Wayne wrote:

UPDATE: She's not getting any gifts from me.

Glad to hear that Wayne, I would have hated to see you fall victim to someone who doesn't feel the same way you feel about them.

Not only that man, but a whole lot of shit happened tonight and you may not be able to tell in this post, but I'm very pissed right now, and one thing I know is I'm not going to change my mind regarding this decision. You may say I'm saying under the influence, if you will, by being upset, but mark my words, I won't go back on this. She crossed the line tonight.

Southern Rap Pro wrote:

Is there a specific reason you decided to go that route? I think its the best choice and I think its time you move on. You seem like a stand up guy, so quit wasting your time on a fruitless venture.

Read what I sent to KJ man.

Wayne wrote:

KJ Styles wrote:

Wayne wrote:

UPDATE: She's not getting any gifts from me.

Glad to hear that Wayne, I would have hated to see you fall victim to someone who doesn't feel the same way you feel about them.

Not only that man, but a whole lot of shit happened tonight and you may not be able to tell in this post, but I'm very pissed right now, and one thing I know is I'm not going to change my mind regarding this decision. You may say I'm saying under the influence, if you will, by being upset, but mark my words, I won't go back on this. She crossed the line tonight.

I feel ya on that, but don't let it get you down. It's her loss if she doesn't want to be with you. There's plenty of fish in the sea.

KJ Styles wrote:

Wayne wrote:

KJ Styles wrote:

Wayne wrote:

UPDATE: She's not getting any gifts from me.

Glad to hear that Wayne, I would have hated to see you fall victim to someone who doesn't feel the same way you feel about them.

Not only that man, but a whole lot of shit happened tonight and you may not be able to tell in this post, but I'm very pissed right now, and one thing I know is I'm not going to change my mind regarding this decision. You may say I'm saying under the influence, if you will, by being upset, but mark my words, I won't go back on this. She crossed the line tonight.

I feel ya on that, but don't let it get you down. It's her loss if she doesn't want to be with you. There's plenty of fish in the sea.

Oh yeah, it's not going to get down man. Trust me, if this was one year ago, I would be screwed up right now, literally. It's definitely going to be a different set of priorities going forward. One thing that got me REAL pissed is that my son was involved with what happened tonight so of course that doesn't sit well with me at all.

Unfortunately, Wayne.. if she didn't get you anything, I wouldn't get her anything. However, seeing that I was with my wife for almost 5 years before we got married and we are going on 4 years of marriage, I am probably the wrong person to ask....lol However, I am a firm believer in treating someone the way that I would want to be treated. That's my take on it. Give her a call and say Happy Birthday, talk for a few minutes and leave it at that. If she doesn't answer, leave her a message. Acknowledge the birthday, but don't go out of your way for her. My wife and I share the same birthday so it's not even a day where she and I can forget....lol

Highsmith wrote:

Unfortunately, Wayne.. if she didn't get you anything, I wouldn't get her anything. However, seeing that I was with my wife for almost 5 years before we got married and we are going on 4 years of marriage, I am probably the wrong person to ask....lol However, I am a firm believer in treating someone the way that I would want to be treated. That's my take on it. Give her a call and say Happy Birthday, talk for a few minutes and leave it at that. If she doesn't answer, leave her a message. Acknowledge the birthday, but don't go out of your way for her. My wife and I share the same birthday so it's not even a day where she and I can forget....lol

I see your points, however, I think the idea of me even calling her to acknowledge it is past the point of being considered.

Wayne wrote:

I chose to name this Real talk because I couldn't come up with any other title for this thread, lol. I have a situation here that I want your opinion(s) on, and once you begin to read this, you're probably going to start reading in between the lines for this one.

To begin, lets say you are married to someone. You and that person are separated, have been for a long time, however, legally, you two are still married. You, in many ways (I guess, lol) still have feelings for that person, and said person has a birthday that's a month away. Although it wasn't asked for and the person doesn't know it, would you get that person a gift for their birthday or not?

If youre both destined to move on-and you both really want to...then no harm no foul in not getting one...noones gonna notice or care, rather..............pump the brakes on your conscience

but if its all kosher between the two of you..yeah sure..why not? Its the "choosing the present" part thats gonna be tricky..

Return to real talk.

Man hiphop4life fam, I have some kind of relationship with this woman man. Never seen anything like it.

Highsmith wrote:

Unfortunately, Wayne.. if she didn't get you anything, I wouldn't get her anything. However, seeing that I was with my wife for almost 5 years before we got married and we are going on 4 years of marriage, I am probably the wrong person to ask....lol However, I am a firm believer in treating someone the way that I would want to be treated. That's my take on it. Give her a call and say Happy Birthday, talk for a few minutes and leave it at that. If she doesn't answer, leave her a message. Acknowledge the birthday, but don't go out of your way for her. My wife and I share the same birthday so it's not even a day where she and I can forget....lol

Now that's real talk for ya.

Wayne wrote:

Return to real talk.

Man hiphop4life fam, I have some kind of relationship with this woman man. Never seen anything like it.

Suckaferluvasstrick...

what happened now?

Kid Joe wrote:

Wayne wrote:

Return to real talk.

Man hiphop4life fam, I have some kind of relationship with this woman man. Never seen anything like it.

Suckaferluvasstrick...

No sucka here, lol.

Southern Rap Pro wrote:

what happened now?

Check this out, the things that happened over a week or so ago is long in the past and was simply blown out of proportion. I get an unexpected phone call from her last night, and it was something related to my son, then after that, we ended up talking for the next 25 minutes or so. It was mainly her doing the talking and essentially telling me about all of the things she has going on. It's like a cycle: something happens and it gets taken out of context, I swear up and down she crosses a line, then next thing you know, I'm talking to her like that stuff never happened. I'm not a sucka for love or anything, but come on now, legally I'm still married to her, she was my first love, etc, etc so it's still some sort of connection there. Things like this happen often, and although I've been told "she's calling you to tell you about what's going on with her to play on your feelings", but honestly, I don't think that's the case at all. I can spot things like that a mile away. I know she's said and done many things to me the average man wouldn't tolerate, but come on now, put yourself in my shoes, we're all human here. To be clear, I'm nobody's fool. Is someone trying to tell me something man?

If its a cycle I would say no, she's not trying to tell you anything, she's just going back to what's comfortable and testing the limits. It seems like over time she's broken you down to tolerate more and more. You will get mad, probably rightfully so, but then after a while you break down and convince yourself you overreacted. To me things are black and white. If you are married then she should respect and respected that marriage. Seems she doesn't have respect for you or for the marriage and plays on you and does what she wants because she can. Women are usually direct, if they want something they will say so or get it.

Southern Rap Pro wrote:

If its a cycle I would say no, she's not trying to tell you anything, she's just going back to what's comfortable and testing the limits. It seems like over time she's broken you down to tolerate more and more. You will get mad, probably rightfully so, but then after a while you break down and convince yourself you overreacted. To me things are black and white. If you are married then she should respect and respected that marriage. Seems she doesn't have respect for you or for the marriage and plays on you and does what she wants because she can. Women are usually direct, if they want something they will say so or get it.

And as I've mentioned on more than one occasion, I still honor, value, and respect marriage, there's no doubt about that. And when you say "testing the limits", expand on that one.

Man, what I'm saying is she obviously doesn't respect you or the marriage because what I get is she cheated on you before you were separated and has been with other men since you've been separated. People are selfish. Your wife will push the limits with you as much as she can. She is comfortable right now. She has your support, probably your money, and she can get anything she wants from you. She needs help with the kid you are there, she needs someone to talk to you are there, she gets everything she needs from you. When she wants another man she goes and has another man, when she wants to treat you like shit, she goes and treats you like shit, and it seems that no matter what she knows she can come back to you and you will take her back and still give her what she needs from you. She's using you man. I hate to be so blunt, but that's what it is. You just need to move on. She's been separated long enough, she's had her space long enough to know what she wants.

If she wasn't disrespecting you or the marriage I would tell you to give it time, but it is clear she is not worth your time man. You just need a support system around you that will be strong enough to help you break away from her.

Honestly, we define our own limits. People only 'get away with' what we allow them to.

Only you know if you're compromising your standards and self-respect.

I've been in relationships where I could care less about certain things that my friends couldn't believe were going on. But, it was genuine apathy.

I can tell you one thing. Whatever you felt was going on at that time definitely was. The third eye doesn't lie. It's easier to second guess that shit couple weeks later when somebody's telling you what you want to hear. Trusting your instincts while being lied to takes time in life.

Women are the most evil lying creatures. They will prey upon our psychology, sex hormones, protecting/nurturing hormones. Only experience can give you the determination to realize a girl you're in love with is a liar.

If you aren't going to na able to adjust to these goings on, you are going to have to call it off eventually.

The message you are sending now is that you'll always be there, regardless of her behavior (at least any behaviors that parallel what's already happened). If that's not true, its only a matter of time before she goes to far.

And, you seemed genuinely hurt and confused when you started this thread.

I wouldn't buy him a gift, nor would I expect one from him.